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ee to drop by any time, come meet the brothers

Richard: Um, thanks guys, but honestly I am not considering joining a
fraternity.

Tim #1: Oh, well, you know, you don't have to pledge if you don't want to, just
come by --

Richard: Really, guys, I don't think so.

Tims (Offended): Well, fine. So, you won't consider stopping by? Fine. Whatsa
matter, don't like us or something? Don't think the Jello Bake-Off is fun? Guess
you won't be needing this then. (Tim #2 grabs the flyer he gave to Richard. Exit
Tims. Richard goes back to his letter.)

Richard (Reads): "Now, Richard. Remember to choose your friends carefully." I
will, mom. "I have to go because Dad needs help up the stairs. I'll send a case
of chilicheese treats every month so you won't be hungry. And don't forget to
take your vitamins. College work takes a lot of energy." (Takes out his
Flinstones vitamins) I think I'll take a Barney today.

(Enter Millis. Millis is big. Real big. Probably 6 1/2 feet tall, weighs twice
as much as Richard. He seems lost, confused. He sees Richard and rumbles over.
Millis grabs the cheeseburger and puts it on his empty tray. Then Millis takes
Richard's entire lunch and exits. Richard, mouth full of cheeseburger, sits
looking stunned. Enter Jimmy, everybody's friend. He sees what just happened to
Richard.)

Jimmy (Sitting down): That was Millis Borg. He lost his meal tickets last week,
so he has to steal people's lunches so he can eat. It means he likes you.

Richard: Oh.

Jimmy: By the way, my name's Jimmy. What's your name?

Richard: Richard.

Jimmy (A la Mr. Rogers): Hi, Richard. (Shakes his hand.) I'm a Communication
major. What's your major?

Richard: Computer Science.

Jimmy: Awesome! Where do you live?

Richard: Kennedy 963.

Jimmy: Really? I'm in K-962! We're next door neighbors! Wow!

Richard (Sarcastically): Great.

Jimmy: Yeah! Well, see you around.

(Jimmy exits. We hear Richard's stomach growl. Enter President.)

President: Hi, my name is Dr. Robert M. Misqueue, President of the University.
(Shakes Richard's hand.) Welcome to NCLU!

Richard: Go to Hell.

(Blackout.)

(Next scene is Richard's dorm room. A mailbox. Richard is sitting on his bed,
writing a letter to his mom.)

Richard (Writing): Dear Mom,

I'm fine, how are you? I'm having an interesting time at college so far. I met
a nice boy named Millis today. We shared lunch. I also met my next door
neighbor. His name is Jimmy. He's very polite.

(Jimmy passes by and peeks his head in Richard's room)

Jimmy: Hey Richard. Pretty small room.

Richard (Writing, sarcastically): I think we're going to be real good friends. I
haven't met my roommate yet. His name is Chris. It says here that he's a
Computer Science major, too. We should be in some of the same classes so we'll
get to study together. I'm really looking forward to meeting him.

(Enter Chris, staring at a piece of paper, anxiously.)

Chris: Is this room 963?

Richard: Yes.

Chris: Then you must be Richard. My n

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